Here's a summary of what happened on my trip back home...
June 27
I left work with my light luggage and went straight to the bus terminal. The lady at the counter there was a Quebecker. It felt strange to talk to her in French. A bit like a taste of things to come in Montreal.
On the bus to Seattle (from where I would fly to Montreal on a ticket I had not used the previous year), I started thinking about all the events that lead me to be where I was at that precise moment. Everything started, almost to the day, a year before. I was going back where my story with Sylvia, cities, jobs, apartments and all these major changes started. I was going to the places that were part of these changes in reverser order (Vancouver, Seattle, Montreal).
Looking at everything, I felt depressed. Back when I was in Montreal, I had a job I liked; I was in a good city; I liked my apartment and I had a girlfriend I truly loved. I was happy. I had everything I wanted; I just didn't know it. And now, what did I have? A job that didn't correspond to my aspirations and in which the team dynamics were quite poor; an apartment I didn't like going for 2.5 times the rent I paid in Montreal; no lover and rain and gray skies in a city even smaller than Montreal.
All of this for some more money and the chance to live in a city other than Montreal... For the job, there was not much I could have done; Motorola was closing its center in Montreal. For the city, I could always go back to Montreal. For the apartment, I could always find something if I looked around. For Sylvia, I just had severely fucked up and losing her was what left me with the most bitter feeling.
It's in such a brooding mood that I arrived in Seattle. When I got there, I had to go through the neighborhood where I used to live and work. I felt a powerful mix of anxiety and sadness that amounted almost to a panic attack. My emotions from all the events surrounding my departure from Montreal were surfacing.
Then, I noticed how empty the streets were and how everything was closed and also how everyone I saw was ugly and trashy.
The city bus ride to SeaTac was like a zoo revealing many types of subhuman individuals that characterize Seattle so much.
As if the mutants weren't enough, Americans are so much bigger (read fatter) than Canadians.
Leaving Seattle was truly the right decision.
June 28
I took the good old 211 bus to get downtown from Dorval (where the airport is located). On the bus was this pale young electro/punk/whatever redhead with her blouse open so much you could see all her black bra covering her small breasts. Arriving downtown, the bus driver drove through a red light. Welcome to Montreal!
Walking on Lionel-Groulx avenue (where I used to live) made me very emotional. Was it the feeling of finding back a cherished place or was it the feeling of having made a grave, unrepairable mistake by leaving?
Half of my week in Montreal, I slept in the two adjacent houses where I used to live. It truly was a return to my roots. I spent the first night at Luc's place (where I used to live a while back).
Before going to bed, I met a friend and we walked her dog on Ste-Catherine, through the Jazz Festival, on St-Laurent and on Prince-Arthur. Things somewhat felt familiar and foreign at the same time. I noticed how the people in Montreal are not aligned with my preferences. I like the composition of the population in Vancouver more.
I also went to the SAT. It wasn't SAT's best night. It was full of young, fat, ugly people and the music sucked. At least, some people were doing drugs and lesbian shit.
June 29
I noticed how very little has changed in Montreal since last year. I only noticed one new building. In Vancouver, new buildings pop up every week. The infrastructure is old and poorly maintained in Montreal. Vancouver is much cleaner and newer. The feeling in Vancouver is one of growth. The feeling in Montreal is one of stagnation.
I went to the tam-tams and took a look at the medieval fighters there.
June 30
I went to the West Island to see my parents. On the way to their place, I met the parents of a few people I use to hang out with when I was younger. Nothing much's changed with my parents. I spent the night at an old friend's place.
July 01
I walked around Montreal some more. I had heard many times that people in Montreal look and dress better than people in Vancouver. I didn't find so. I think people in Vancouver are fitter in general, too.
Had dinner with some friends in a Spanish restaurant. We later met up with other friends and went to see Bran Van 3000's show. It was packed. I got introduced to a few ex-Vancouverites who now live in Montreal and are also in the gaming industry. We ended the night at the St-Sulpice, Montreal's largest terrace.
July 02
Had some açaí. I went for a stroll in Westmount Park. Had a BBQ on Louise's patio.
July 03
I drove to Quebec City. I met my cousin there and we walked a few hours through the city. The city was officially 400 years old that day and many people came into town to be part of the festivities and see the mega fireworks. We didn't stay long enough to see the fireworks as my cousin really didn't feel like hanging around. My cousin now owns his own house and is thinking of joining the special forces as being in regular infantry is not hardcore enough for him.
July 04
Drove back to Montreal. I slowed down just in time to avoid getting caught by cops monitoring the traffic with radars. Half an hour later, I saw a cop behind me with his lights flashing. I thought this time it was it: I had been caught speeding. I slowed down and was about to pull over. But, then the cop was waving with his hands for me to get out of the way. He actually was going to the scene of an accident. I had escaped getting a ticket twice.
Back in Montreal, I met a bunch of ex Motorola co-workers at our traditional watering hole. From what I gathered, no one seemed quite as happy about their jobs as when they were at Motorola.
Already drunk, I left my ex co-workers to join other people for some more drinks. One of the people I was with ended barfing. That's Montreal for you.
July 05
I saw Sylvia's mother to get stuff for her back to Vancouver. I also went to where Sylvia used to live to get mail from her brother, to see her cat and for memories' sake.
I went to see the fireworks that night. I also had some St-Hubert. I missed their rotisserie chicken.
July 06
Had breakfast at Cora's, which is (sadly) not located on Stanley anymore.
Went to Piknic électronik. Had to leave quickly as I had to catch my flight back to Vancouver.
All in all, it was a good trip. It made me lose my homesickness. I did pretty much all the things I would normally want to do in the summer in Montreal in one week. When I came back to Vancouver, my new city felt a bit more like home and I didn't mind living in Vancouver anymore.
I think I had been idealizing Montreal and my old apartment and that I what I truly missed were not the places, but rather the moments I had there.
In a weird way, I was a bit disappointed that I didn't fall in love with Montreal. It would have made things easier as I would have known where I belong. Thus, I'm still wondering where my true home is...
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