New York & Google's Verdict

After a couple of days in Philadelphia (see last post), I took a bus to New York City. Normally, it takes about an hour and a half to do that route. However, it being a Friday afternoon during rush hour, my journey lasted more like four hours.

Living from moment to moment, I had no hotel reservation for that night. I figured luck would smile at me and I'd spend the night at some hot honey's place or something. So, I went to the hotel where I would stay the next night to put my baggage in storage.

Once that was done, I went to join Shoji (who I know through a grade-school friend) for supper along with some of his fellow English school classmates:

Shoji's classmates were interesting with diverse backgrounds and coming from all over the place: Germany, Spain, France, Korea... For some reason, they were all female. A couple of them made me wish they'd be the one to keep me from having to find a room at a hotel...

After dinner, some of us went club hopping. One of the places we landed in is 230 Fifth. Apparently, it's quite the popular place these days. It does have a nice rooftop garden from which you can admire New York's skyline in all its splendor while sipping down cocktails and martinis.

At 4:30am, the party was over and I didn't have a place to stay. I walked a bit and saw this dude in a phone booth, pretending to be on a call so that he could take a piss there. I went to an Internet cafe to check my emails for a couple of hours (some people were sleeping there) and then went to my hotel, where thanks to my contact there, I was able to check in early and rest until a certain point in the afternoon. The rest of the day, I just did some light exploration.

New York felt different. I had always felt home there. But this time, the city made me feel lonely and it kept showing me things that reminded me of the girl with whom it didn't work in Vancouver. Maybe home isn't a specific place, but rather where your heart is.

The next day, I did some more walking in Manhattan before joining a German friend I had first met in New Zealand. She came to visit the US along with some other German girls. While I was sitting on some stairs, waiting for her in front of the Rockefeller building and thinking about life, a man came pretty close to me, stopped, aimed his SLR camera at me, slowly adjusted its settings and then took a shot of me. It was odd because I knew he was taking a shot of me and knew I knew he was taking a shot of me. Around the same time, a woman was scolding her boyfriend over her cellphone and telling him how much of a jerk he is. Love isn't easy.

The Germans finally arrived and we went to "The Top of the Rock" (the observatory at the top of the building in the middle of the Rockefeller Plaza). After that, we went to Inakaya, a Japanese izakaya restaurant located at 231 West 4oth. It's an animated place where the staff shouts all the time, the chefs hand out food with long tools so as not to have to leave their post and where the patrons are made to participate in the fun in such ways as beating the crap out of rice dough.

Once I came back to Montreal, I realized I had a voice message from Google's recruiter. I got very nervous. Even though I had tried not to set any expectations, I had let myself become convinced at some level that I would get the job. When the recruiter told me it wasn't the case, I was devastated.

Google isn't just a place where to work. It is THE place where to work. Getting the job would have vindicated me from destiny, in a sense. It would also have given me a place, I believe, where I would have belonged; a family of sorts.

In short, Google isn't just a job, it's a destiny.

Perhaps I'm putting too much faith in that company and am idealizing it as a sort of panacea to overcome my personal shortcomings, but I still feel that my life, despite not being bad at all, has fallen short of my dreams. The question now is what do I do with my existence?

From Silicon Valley to Philadelphia

On my last night in California, I walked about a bit. I saw a HUGE store dedicated solely to Halloween merchandise. I went in and felt right at home in the middle of all this eerie stuff. It reminded me of the feeling I had on Halloween nights as a kid. I was amazed that a store could be economically viable by selling only seasonal things like this. Some of it was pretty advanced and expensive. Life-size animatronics talking and doing macabre maneuvers, funny and raunchy costumes, devices one wouldn't dream of... It never ceases to amaze me how there seems to be a market for everything in the US. I had a similar impression when I walked into a liquor store with a selection far beyond anything I've ever seen in Canadian state-owned shops and with quantities of material that make you wonder again just how stores survive in the US given that there are no houses around.

The next morning, I went to San Jose's airport and flew to Philadelphia, through Phoenix. Given the flights' durations, the layover and the time zones, I got in Philly just in time to go to bed.

I remember the first time I went to Philadelphia. I thought it was just a domain full of overweight, undereducated ghetto-dwellers. It does have more than its fair share of those, but it's got so much more. The first time around, I didn't invest enough time to discover the place.

Philly's basically made up of three parts: the historic district, the downtown core and the "Europeanish" section.

In one day, I walked over 40 kilometers and gave my feet bad blisters, but I saw so much. In the historic district, I saw (again) Independence Hall, where the colonies declared independence from the Crown of England. I also saw the Liberty Bell, parks, the United States Mint for coins, colonial buildings, Edgar Allan Poe's House, Benjamin Franklin's grave and many other things.

The downtown core has a diverse set of architectural styles. From very old buildings to the ultra-modern Liberty Plaza and the Comcast Tower. The city hall is the biggest piece of masonry on earth (whatever that means) and sits right next to a huge Free Mason's temple. Close to the city hall, many public statues can be seen, including the famous "LOVE" one. South Broad Street, south of city hall, is really magnificent to see at night with its inventive displays of colorful lights highlighting the countless artistic events taking place.

Then there is the Benjamin Franklin Parkway, which is basically a "Champs-Élysées" right in the middle of Philadelphia. It gives a noble and French feel to a whole part of the city. It's terminated on one end by the Philadelphia Museum of Art, sporting a neo-classical look that adds to the effect of grandeur. This is where Rocky ran up and down the stairs to train and where a statue of him now shines for tourists to see.

No visit to Philadelphia is complete without sampling a local cheese steak sandwich. I went to
Pat's King of Steaks, where the sandwich was invented. It's a Philadelphia staple. Many stars, politicians and Important People have been there, as evidenced by the numerous autographed pictures. There's always a line-up for the sandwiches. The people working there have a curt and rough attitude that makes New York cab drivers seem polite. I think it's all part of a show. Good sandwiches, though!

All in all, Philly's not too bad. I could see myself being trapped there for a year or two.

In The San Francisco Bay Area Again

Since I got back to Montreal and started working at Nuance, I got contacted a few times by recruiters and headhunters for positions in other companies and/or cities. Working in software means that, recession or not, there will always be work for me. My current job being all right and my desire to leave Montreal being mitigated by my need to catch my breath, I politely turned down all the propositions I got. I even decided not to pursue a chance to earn a six-figure salary in Manhattan, which is the place where I dream to live. My reasoning was that if I lived in Manhattan, even with an annual compensation package of, say, $120,000, I would end up with less disposable income than I have now with my current salary in Montreal. However, for $120K, I'm sure I'd be expected to work like an animal and that would lower my quality of life.

In January, Google was to fly me to NYC for an interview for a position in Manhattan. However, two days before that happened, the position got cut because of the shaky economy. Had I been selected for the position, I would have accepted it even if it meant less disposable income for me. The experience of working for Google and the experience of living in Manhattan would have compensated for that. Once you make enough money, it becomes less and less important compared to other things in life.

After that, I forgot about Google and expected to live in Montreal for a while. I knew I'd get contacted again by Google in due time. I just didn't know it would be so soon. I got an email from them in September about positions in Mountain View, California.

Now, Google is not just another employer. Not only does it give insane perks to its employees, but it's also shaping the present and future of technology and how we see it and the world in which it is used. It's a company that's got a vision and it can be felt. As such, it attracts great people with whom it must be awesome to interact. Google is the ultimate company to work for to many people, including myself. Also, winter is coming and spending it in California sounds a lot better to me than spending it in Quebec. For these reasons, I just had to take another shot at it when Google gave me another chance.

The days leading to my trip in California were quite busy and I was stressed just thinking about the possibility of moving again, changing jobs and the memories of how my first interview with Google basically was the last straw for a relationship with a girl with whom I really wanted things to work out.

However, once I got to California, I felt calmer. I saw Ricky and his wife Min Lin (both of whom went to college with me) and we talked about our respective situations a bit. I stayed at their place. The following morning, I took them to the airport. They were going to Las Vegas for Min Lin's birthday. They gave me the keys to their place so that I could stay there while they were gone.

Their flight was pretty early. So, I found myself on a Saturday morning heading towards Napa Valley. My rental car was a hybrid Nissan. It had a surprising amount of torque and I sped my way along the 6-lane freeway to Napa. I sped a bit too much, though and was given my first ever speeding ticket by a California Highway Patrolman on a motorcycle (anybody remembers CHiPs?). I was doing 87 mph (140km/h) in a 65 mph (104km/h) zone. The officer seemed to imply I was going pretty fast. It's a good thing he didn't catch me while in a hurry!

After that, I made my way to the Napa Valley. At my first stop, I saw a geyser. Then, I proceeded to a few vineyards: Sterling, Castello di Amorosa, Berringer, Charles Krugs, Robert Mondavi, ... I was loopy by the end of my sampling day. Napa Valley is nicer than Okanagan Valley, but I have fonder memories of the latter because of the company I had when I went there.

I spent the next day driving around Silicon Valley. I saw some nice neighborhood in Palo Alto; saw the garage where HP was born; the headquarters of Apple and visited Stanford University. That university has quite the impressive campus! It's a far cry from the shit university I went to.

I spent the following day studying in preparation for my interview at Google. I had already studied a bit, but wanted to put all the chances on my side.

Finally, today, I had my interview session. Basically, it consisted of meeting an HR person for a quick briefing of the day, followed by two 45-minute interviews, lunch and two more 45-minute interviews.

The interviews felt easier this time around. Then again, I was told that, two years ago, I was given a tougher than normal interview. The first interview was OK. I felt the second went really good. The third went pretty well. The fourth and final one was OK, but I stumbled a bit during the run-time complexity analysis of the problem. Now, I felt that was below what my performance should be and when I was picking myself up to make my answer clearer, the interviewer told me to move on and talk about something else.

On my way back to my hotel, that last small thing kept nagging me. So, I decided to find the interviewer (by Googling him, no less) and send him clarifications on my answer by email. I found him on meetup.com and emailed him my comments. I don't know whether that's annoying on my part or shows will and tenacity. I guess I'll find out pretty soon!

I think I could live in California and enjoy the lifestyle that working at Google would give me. I can't wait to see what the next chapter of my life will be...

Cape Cod, Mt Tremblant & Ottawa

Ever since I came back to Montreal, I've been trying to enjoy more the things that are local to me now. After all, I don't know how long I have to enjoy these things. Like everybody else, I could get hit by a car and lose my opportunity to enjoy them, but more importantly in my case, I could find myself living far away in a few months.

So, in the spirit of seizing the occasion, I went to a few places not too far from Montreal in September.

I went to Cape Cod with 6 other people for the Labor Day week-end. We rented a house over there. It was the first time I went on vacation together with so many people. We got there on a Friday night. On Saturday, we went to Provincetown. If one has been to other coastal New England towns, one won't find much novelty there except for the concentration of gay people. Most people from our party stayed at the beach that afternoon. I decided to go drive around to explore the area a bit more. Only, I didn't realize there was no cellular signal at the beach. So, after exploring for a couple of hours and not hearing back from the others, I went back to the beach to see what was up. The others had gone and I saw that I had no signal there. So, I went back to town (where I had signal) to try and contact the others and look for them on Commercial Street (the main strip where most of the action is in Provincetown). I wasn't able to reach them with the cell phone, but I did bump into them. A girl whose things had been in the car I used to drive around was really mad that I strayed from the group.

The next day, some of us went to Martha's Vineyard. It's posher than Cape Cod. I liked the town of Oak Bluffs with its "gingerbread houses".

A few weeks later, I went to Mont Tremblant (Quebec's best ski resort). I took a tour to go there. It was painful to get up so early (we left Montreal at 7:30) and the guide wouldn't shut up and kept telling the unfunniest jokes three times (once in bad English, another time in even worst French and finally in Chinese) while I was trying to sleep on the bus on the way to our destinations. On top of that, there were a few kids that just kept crying all the time as if someone was trying to cut their arms off. When I saw Mont St-Sauveur, which is basically a small hill, and the puny, uninteresting village sitting next to it, I was wondering whether I had made a good decision to come on the tour. We then went on a small, boring boat cruise on the Lac des Sables in Ste-Agathe-des-Monts and had to suffer some pretty intense crying from the small children on board. I then remembered why I never liked nature before I first moved out of Quebec: it's because nature is so unimpressive and boring in Quebec. Further along on the way to Mont Tremblant, I thought my day was completely shot. I tried to read to make time go faster, but it was impossible to concentrate with the multiple children crying so intensely.

When we got to Mont Tremblant, things started turning around. Even though the place is in the province of Quebec, it presents some natural beauty. The village and its surrounding infrastructure is reminiscent of that of Whistler. The mountain itself is nothing compared to what you'd find back West, but it was definitely a notch above what I had seen so far that day. One could take a gondola all the way to the mountain top. But, given that we had many hours to spend there, I decided to hike the mountain instead. On the way up, I saw a chipmunk. A bit later, I heard some leaves moving. I thought it was another chipmunk, but it was a black bear! I was pretty close (25m?) to it and when I tried to take a picture of the animal, it heard me and ran away. It's the first time I ever saw a wild bear in Quebec. The only other time I had seen a bear in nature was in Whistler. I hiked some more and yet again heard some leaves being shuffled. This time, it was quite close and wasn't from a big creature. Again, I thought it was another chipmunk. It turned out to be a small snake. On my way down the mountain, I saw a young deer grazing. In one day, I managed to see more animals than I had ever seen in Quebec. I also saw a beaver's hut.

On the way back, they put a movie on, so the kids kept quiet.

The following day, I went to Ottawa. I visited the grounds of Rideau Hall (the governor general's house) and the mint where they make special edition coins. I walked a bit, had some food and came back to Montreal. Ottawa's a pretty city, although it may be a bit too sleepy for people looking for excitement.

New England

Marcelina, a high school classmate, recently got married to a man in Connecticut but still works and lives in Montreal for a while. During this time, she goes to Connecticut nearly every week-end. We met recently to talk about life and, during the conversation, she said she wouldn't mind giving me lifts to New England.

So, in early July, I took up on the offer and went on a week-end trip to Connecticut.

Marcelina dropped me close to Hartford and then went on her merry way. Hartford is not that interesting. It's about the size of Ottawa, but (typical of American cities) is much less dynamic. The USA is inhabited by over 300 million people. That explains the potential and power of its market. Yet, with so much resources and possibilities, I find they could do a lot better. The quality of life in that country could be much higher with some tweaks on its policies. One thing that really turns me off about most American cities is that they are not vibrant and that it's in the suburbs that life happens in the US (unlike most of the rest of the world). The picture below illustrates well what I mean:



In Montreal, Vancouver, Toronto, Ottawa or Quebec City, the streets downtown would be filled with people on such a beautiful summer Saturday afternoon. Hartford reminded me of the deathly absence of activity I felt when I lived in Seattle. After a few hours, I had seen all the city had to offer.

I then moved on to New Haven, home of Yale University. Given it was the middle of summer, not too many students were present. Yale has some nice gothic architecture on its campus.

After New Haven, I went to visit Marcelina at her place. She's now living like a true American: two houses plus a timeshare, five cars, garages filled with things she doesn't use... She's enjoying this type of somewhat opulent suburban life.

I went to sleep in Providence, where I would spend the first half of the following day exploring about. It's a nice little American city. Again, I would be bored to death if I was forced to live there, though.



Then, I finally went to Newport. It's basically a place to stay on week-ends or during summer for the rich. It attracts hords of people from the surrounding states. It's got nice architecture and pleasant oceanside venues.







I'll likely explore New England some more in the coming weeks.

Toronto and Niagara

Montreal was eerily quiet the day I left for Toronto, as it was the "Fête nationale" (Quebec Day, basically). Deserted streets with the buzz of cars missing from the background... I came in to work despite this being a holiday as I had swapped this day (a Wednesday) for the next so that by taking only one day of vacation, I'd get a four-day week-end to explore Ontario. I couldn't eat a single meal for the whole day because I had just learned that the woman who made me leave Vancouver would be spending a week in Montreal, just a few houses away from mine, but would not see me. Taking the train to Toronto reminded me of when I visited her in Vancouver and would take the train back to Seattle every Sunday. This wasn't the only thing reminescent of my West Coast days: in Toronto, I was staying at a friend's place who I first met in Vancouver. She had just moved to Toronto to be with her boyfriend. Her seedy neighborhood gave me a bad impression of Toronto. We updated each other on our respective lives, talked about relationships and the deeper things of life and then went to sleep.

The next day, I had a Thursday brunch at a local diner, then explored Casa Loma, a castle built at the beginning of the 20th century by a rich man as his residence. The place is impressive and is complete with secret passage ways and underground tunnels. I then strolled through High Park and walked through Korea Town (WAY bigger than Vancouver's) on quirky Bloor Street. I also went all the way to the eastern suburb of Markham on the recommendations of many Asian friends who told me to discover the Pacific Mall with its Chinese food, pirated DVD's and Asian products. There, I met Leah (a high school classmate) and her new man Rob. We ate some pretty good food from the noodle whacker's shop. We updated each other with our respective lives. Turns out Leah's had a pretty unique few years as well. She moved from Montreal to Newfoundland and then to Ontario. She was married, got divorced and will marry Rob. It was comforting to see I wasn't the only one from our high school to have moved about and experienced some drama. After our meal, Leah and Rob took me back downtown so that I could meet another classmate: Marc. Marc's now a flight attendant. He's got a Japanese boyfriend in NYC, who he met on a "day trip" to Tokyo. Marc being gay and this week being Pride week, we went to a Pride event taking place at the Hart House of U of T's campus. The music wasn't my type, nor was the crowd. I did get to watch two lesbians almost fucking on the wall, though. (Much to Marc's utter disgust)

The next day, Angela (my host) got a rental car. First, we stacked up on provisions at T&T. Ah, the joys of being able to shop in a decent Asian grocery store! Reminded me of Vancouver. Then, drove through excessive traffic all the way to Niagara-On-The-Lake. It's a quaint little town on the shores on Lake Ontario that is surrounded by countless wineries. We went to a few: Sunnybrook Farm, Jackson-Triggs, Peller Estates, Inniskillin. All that wine tasting got us tipsy. Since we were in the area, we also went by the Niagara Falls, which is really just water falling down. Went back to Toronto, had dinner and talked about life some more.

The next day, I put nasty blisters on my feet by walking all over the city: St-Lawrence Market, Harbourfront, CN Tower, Kensington Market, Chinatown, Dundas Square, Eaton Center, Rosedale... I also bought an RC helicopter. Useless, but one of my childhood dreams. Angela managed to get it stuck in a tree. I had to climb it to retrieve my toy. In the evening, I went to the Gay Village to look at the Pride celebration. The neighborhood was pretty happening. On my way back, I met these two drunken girls on a door porch and they invited me inside to a party. Everybody, including myself, felt awkward because of my presence. I left shortly after getting in and called it a night.

The next day, Angela, her boyfriend Steve and I went to watch the gay parade a bit, then I went on my way back to Montreal.

Overall, Toronto is a bit like a small New York or a cold and dirty Sydney. Of course, New York's people are cooler and Sydney's harder partiers. Still, it's not a bad place to live in. I wouldn't mind moving there, but I'm in no hurry to do so either. I have some stuff to figure out and take care of before I make my next move. However, it's evident that I can not afford to live in Montreal for too long. My place is somewhere else.

Back to Montreal - Back to Square One?

After a rocky holiday period, I flew back to Montreal on the first of January.

When I lived in Seattle, I often dreamed of being back in Montreal to be in a vibrant place once again. Then, when I started living in Vancouver, I was still homesick until I came back for a week. After that, I'd just miss the hot summer days and the multitude of cultural happenings once in a while.

It's ironic that I had to leave Vancouver just when it was starting to feel home. Now, being in Montreal doesn't feel home.

I don't like the cold winter of my native city. At least, in Vancouver, you can go out anytime of the year without too much discomfort. Also, I prefer the demographics in Vancouver: more women then men (the dating market is in my favor) and Asian investors, skilled workers or business owners as immigrants rather than people from Africa or the Middle East who got accepted as permanent residents only because they speak French.

Moreover, although I am a French-speaking Quebecker, I don't feel as much solidarity or unifying factors with my own people as with the other migrants to Vancouver or even most English-speaking Canadians.

Before leaving Montreal, I felt there was nothing holding me back here and that it was my destiny to find my true home out there. It's as if all of my existence, up to that point, I had been gaining momentum to take the jump out of there. Then, at the last minute, I met a woman who changed my life and I wanted to stay in Montreal to be with her. That's the only true period of my life when Montreal felt home; not because of the city but because of her. I lost my momentum but jumped nonetheless.

I then found myself in a city and a job that failed to make me happy. When the woman from Montreal I loved moved to Vancouver, it seemed I had a second chance to both be with her and live outside of Montreal, so I moved there. But, I failed to keep her love and had to move in an apartment of my own and got disappointed again by my new job. All this got me down and made me want to leave Vancouver not because of Vancouver, but because I needed to put all this behind me.

Now, here I am again in Montreal. I still don't feel there is anything for me here. I'm just here because it's the easiest place for me to wait out the confusion and to gain enough information and energy to try my luck elsewhere again or for opportunity to knock on my door.

Also, I can't help but feel some bitterness with regards to how the events unfolded in my life since all these changes started. Many times, I had happiness within reach, but I failed to see it as such or to grab onto it before it was too late. Hopefully, the experience I gained has given me enough wisdom to avoid these mistakes in the future.